Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
