Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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