It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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