Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
