They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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