Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
there is glitter all over my balls
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
