she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
