I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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