i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
