I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
someone owes me an orgasm
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
