Don't you send me to vm
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
