I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
