Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
