I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
