nut hugger
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
