Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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