Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I can text with my tongue
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
