i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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