You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
