Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
