sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
