I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
