Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
