Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
