she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
