new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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