I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just want nice things and good sex
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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