now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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