Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
