I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it because I queefed?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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