plz talk dirty to me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
