You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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