It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
