Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
