piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
