If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
