Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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