You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
