ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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