Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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