there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
