i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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