The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
