nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
