laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
