I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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