I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
