is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
