a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
