I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
