Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
