"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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